Well, here I am again. Pregnant. I am certain when I started documenting pregnancy #4 that was the last baby. And even 1 month ago I was still insisting we were done at 4. But Nick told me he just had a feeling we weren't done!! What???? Oh, no, i did not want to hear that. So I took my concerns to Heavenly Father. Asked him what I needed to do. My answer came in the feeling that Nick was right!!! DARN!!!! I went to him with my new found knowledge and told him I wasn't ready until next year to even think about it and he agreed with me. Ok, we were on the same page. Well, apparently we forgot to take into account Heavenly Father's plan isn't the same as ours. And according to him baby #5 is coming now.
Truth be told, I am very happy, excited and anxious. I have been on a very rigid medication regimene for the last couple years to battle my depression and anxiety and becoming pregnant I've had to stop all meds. My Zoloft for the first trimester and my klonopin for the entire pregnancy. To say I feel like I'm loosing my mind right now is an understatement. Today Sydney surprised Nick and I with a full breakfast and all i could focus on was the total disaster of a mess she created to make us this thoughtful gift. I was sitting at the dinner table holding my head and closing my eyes to try to avoid the anxiety that was building up within me. I eventually had to leave the table and go upstairs and shower to try to calm down. Nick came in and tried to tell me I needed to get it under control. I may or may not have screamed at him to leave me alone. And seriously considered taking some of my meds. I resorted to cleaning furiously to try to calm down and I stayed home from Nico's football games to try and recharge my batteries. I really don't know how to fix this without meds. I'm frustrated. Very frustrated. Gonna have to do some intense praying to get through the next couple months.
All that being said, I AM very happy this little one is coming!! Knowing this is indeed my last baby, {can't have any more c-sections per doctors orders} I want to savour each moment. Knowing that it will never happen again. {I'm tying my tubes after I deliver} I want to be happy and not complain. Relish in all that is going on in my body. I want to take this blog and make it a detailed document of what goes on and what I remember. Pictures and all.
I will document it this way each week. Along with any other thoughts I may have:
how far along:4 weeks 5 days
how big is baby:size of a poppy seed
weight gained so far: none, lost 2.5 pounds
maternity clothes:not yet, but the bloating is getting pretty bad. It might be soon. {check back next week} who are we kidding, this is baby #5 it's gonna be soon....
stretch marks: plenty from Sydney
sleep: having some pretty bad insomnia....waking up every couple hours to pee, and to tend to Camden
best moment of the week: finding out I was pregnant
food cravings: pickles and plain hamburgers
looking forward to: first doctors appt and seeing the baby's heartbeat
a little extra:
heartburn as I type, no serious nausea yet {yes, I'm kinda hoping it shows up, gives me piece of mind. Healthy baby if I'm feeling sick}, soda is not appealing to me which makes me sad. I love my diet. All I want is water 24 hours a day, everyday. I'm so so thirsty.
That's about all for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment